today in church, God showed me love. when it came to find prayer partners, ate grace softly suggested we be partners. As she prayed for me, she sounded so sincere…she prayed for direction for my life. After we prayed, i saw her wipe her tears. i was deeply moved that she could care that much for me. after the message, pastor ding asked people to get up and go to someone who they felt needed to be prayed for. i closed my eyes and felt someone sit by me. i opened my eyes and kuya rodel was right there telling me that the Spirit impressed it to him to pray for me because i was struggling with something. As he prayed for me, tears came down and i opened my eyes because all he said were true. Sometimes Kuya Rodel can really hit the truth of where my arrows lie. As he continued to pray, he said this,”i don’t know what you’re going to do with this girl, but i know she is so special, and you’re going to do great things in her…Lord, fill her with love when we are absent.” “Fill her with love when we are absent.” […]
from lyrical battle w/ Teya Dorado: I dun need to mess anyone up/ wassup/ jake is already/ too corrupt/ and you/ you feelin’ it too?/ I dun need this rhyme t’make you looka like-a foo’/ you already trippin’ / on your feeble words/ I’ll bring your crown t’the ground/ my verse is like a sling shootn’ you down like a puny bird/ and I dodge your comments like I dodge your turds/ha ha/ ma goodness/ I make myself laugh/if only your comebacks were a quarter to my half/ so this is just a sneak/ a funny peak/ of something to look forward to when you return in a few weeks/ but don’t be too quick to speak/ take all that time/ to try to make half a decent rhyme/ I’ll be waiting/ tick tock…ya rite (I’ll be keeping time! ) ha!
In light of the present pertaining to the dim lighting of the past, I adhere to misconception, the misconception that I know. Meaningless, meaningless, says Solomon under the sun. Then why do I scrape the dirt in toil for a meaning less than what the world may consider great success. What matrix of fluidity can I mold without a defining substance while what I tear over may be my ruin? and will my ruin be any cohesive substance to give birth to solidarity? in what way do I peel the apple in acquiring the potential filled seed? there is a road from point A to point B and I travel it gladly knowing that cheering awaits my hasty accomplishment. but I fear I’ve missed the bus and a detour is necessary for my arrival. have those who have been blessed with bus1 earned more of a right for a happier life? how then should I perceive the present situation I am in while riding bus to? the cheering dies down and the only audible accompaniment is the road, and the only education is the experience. what then should be my correct attitude, for downtrodden is any hope that this way […]
I’ve been thinking about so many things these days. there are so many things i want to change. i wish courage could be sold at a corner store, or else i would sell all my words for a sufficient jar. maybe aside from courage, i would purchase trust. to trust those who love & care for me, to open up to them without thinking of how vulnerable it would be if showed them my wounds. lastly, i`d buy forgiveness; so i could forgive the past & leave it where it is without it so much affecting the present.
so everyone`s been asking me, 1.”marchesa, have you been losing weight?” and so the answer is yes. 2. “marchesa, are you eating?” the answer is `not as much as i use to`. which by the way is a good thing cuz i use to eat a lot and indulge in spending 5 bucks here and there, which by the way puts a strain on an almost non-existent wallet to begin with. 3. (and the most important question) “how did you lose all that weight” (coming from 114 to 105). i will answer this question with detailed longetivity, it will blow you away. Every nite between the hours of 10:46-12:33pm, i venture out of my apartment into the night, wearing only the comfort of my pajamas and black flip flops that i`ve borrowed from my sister without her knowledge. then i hop the M10 and get off at the stop near the train station of Metuchen where a park is nearby hidden. In this park is a pond, and not some ordinary murky pond like the ones they complain about in movies about New Jersey, but a placid humble pond where i, at exactly 12:34 immerse myself in. I call it […]
“38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” -Matthew 9:38 I keep hearing the voice of my mom telling me, reminding me over & over not to forget to plant the bulbs that are already sprouting near the side of my house. This is something she`s adamantly been requesting of me since she left for the Philippines. I admit, the cold highly affects my drive in accomplishing this small request, but all in all, I also readily admit that i can`t wait until it`s planted. Why? Hmmm. Well, I guess because it`s something i wouldn`t normally do- plant. But the prospect of investing something living to the garden is somewhat intrinsically exciting. And to watch it grow will probably be just as concerning for me when I come home on the weekends. Now i know why my mom prides so much in her garden and the newly grown flowers that have bloomed while i was away. She`d always take me outside to show me the final masterpiece of a slow overlooked struggle of a flower blooming. Maybe that`s what God intends for us when He asks us to plant. I shamefully realize that […]
i miss her already. when she was @ home, i felt safe- like i had a friend there. Now when i go home, there will be no one 2 take care of me & comfort me. I remember being bored or worried & I`d always go find my ate 2 ease my whatever worries…i`d find her on a bed reading a book & i`d lie down & talk incessantly. She would voice her annoyance that i`d always bother her while she was reading. I loved the rides going home cuz we`d talk about the latest news & how we felt about the musings of home (SJ in general- family/frenz/church). I know Kristie is still there & i have fun w/ her, but i know how preoccupied she is in her life. i feel more like she comes 2 me like i come 2 Ate. When Kristie`s bored, she`ll always find me & hang out w/ me. I hope i`m a good Ate 2 her. She seems so alone many times. I love you Ate. I miss you already. Please don`t be so far away. Conitnue to protect me. I know that this is only the beginning of your life…who knows […]