I’ve been thinking about so many things these days. there are so many things i want to change. i wish courage could be sold at a corner store, or else i would sell all my words for a sufficient jar. maybe aside from courage, i would purchase trust. to trust those who love & care for me, to open up to them without thinking of how vulnerable it would be if showed them my wounds. lastly, i`d buy forgiveness; so i could forgive the past & leave it where it is without it so much affecting the present.
so everyone`s been asking me, 1.”marchesa, have you been losing weight?” and so the answer is yes. 2. “marchesa, are you eating?” the answer is `not as much as i use to`. which by the way is a good thing cuz i use to eat a lot and indulge in spending 5 bucks here and there, which by the way puts a strain on an almost non-existent wallet to begin with. 3. (and the most important question) “how did you lose all that weight” (coming from 114 to 105). i will answer this question with detailed longetivity, it will blow you away. Every nite between the hours of 10:46-12:33pm, i venture out of my apartment into the night, wearing only the comfort of my pajamas and black flip flops that i`ve borrowed from my sister without her knowledge. then i hop the M10 and get off at the stop near the train station of Metuchen where a park is nearby hidden. In this park is a pond, and not some ordinary murky pond like the ones they complain about in movies about New Jersey, but a placid humble pond where i, at exactly 12:34 immerse myself in. I call it […]
“38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” -Matthew 9:38 I keep hearing the voice of my mom telling me, reminding me over & over not to forget to plant the bulbs that are already sprouting near the side of my house. This is something she`s adamantly been requesting of me since she left for the Philippines. I admit, the cold highly affects my drive in accomplishing this small request, but all in all, I also readily admit that i can`t wait until it`s planted. Why? Hmmm. Well, I guess because it`s something i wouldn`t normally do- plant. But the prospect of investing something living to the garden is somewhat intrinsically exciting. And to watch it grow will probably be just as concerning for me when I come home on the weekends. Now i know why my mom prides so much in her garden and the newly grown flowers that have bloomed while i was away. She`d always take me outside to show me the final masterpiece of a slow overlooked struggle of a flower blooming. Maybe that`s what God intends for us when He asks us to plant. I shamefully realize that […]
i miss her already. when she was @ home, i felt safe- like i had a friend there. Now when i go home, there will be no one 2 take care of me & comfort me. I remember being bored or worried & I`d always go find my ate 2 ease my whatever worries…i`d find her on a bed reading a book & i`d lie down & talk incessantly. She would voice her annoyance that i`d always bother her while she was reading. I loved the rides going home cuz we`d talk about the latest news & how we felt about the musings of home (SJ in general- family/frenz/church). I know Kristie is still there & i have fun w/ her, but i know how preoccupied she is in her life. i feel more like she comes 2 me like i come 2 Ate. When Kristie`s bored, she`ll always find me & hang out w/ me. I hope i`m a good Ate 2 her. She seems so alone many times. I love you Ate. I miss you already. Please don`t be so far away. Conitnue to protect me. I know that this is only the beginning of your life…who knows […]