this week has been trying, i admit…emotionally and physically. I talked to pastor jus last nite and he said, “i know you’re tired, i can see it in your face…” I guess at those moments when i’m not running around, truth of the matter kicks in. ps- and would you know it? after knowing pastor justin (who wasn’t always “pastor Justin”) for 17 years, last nite in Pre-BASIC was the first time we have ever sung together at the pulpit. I was amazed and humbled…Hoy! Pastor Jus…what did God do to you those 3 years in seminary! Ambisioso ka na! LOLS…kidding…all joking aside, that was one of the greatest personal blessings that night. Ya Pre-BASIC…3 other personal blessings were Jamil. Eric. and Perze. why. mmm. they traveled the longest. haha…in addition, they shared with us their original compositions (except Jams). To know you guys traveled such distance for just Pre-BASIC is encrouaging. I wonder what God had in plan when He called you to our fellowship. Lastly, Ate Grace called me this sunday morning. Actually, we talked Wednesday about my future position in the choir. She confirmed her hopes to depart to VA permanently in September. Sadly, i listened and […]
she wakes up. she turns on her radio to her favorite station. “Love At First Site” -Kylie Minogue she opens her eyes to its fullest size & begins her routine eye scratching. she yawns & stretches her arms to the lazy ceiling. the beat gets heavier & she begins moving to the 4/4 beat, still a little dizzy from the late night on the phone. she recalls some words that stuck out like metal objects to a magnet. she tries to understand what happened yesterday so she can make sense of today. she remembers her friend complaining about britney spears, comparing her abs to the pop diva. she wondered how the nite had grown so late from a conversation. she remembers laffing about an inside joke, and lets out an overdue giggle. the music absorbs her remaining sleepiness and her dancing gets more sporadically convulsing to its beat. She spontaneously jumped on her unexpecting bed and began dancing like a madman without purpose. the phone rings and she answers to a familiar voice from last nite. it`s her friend. she hears the same song faintly in the background of her friend`s side of the line. she lets out an unusual […]
i miss ate grace and kuya rodel. they led the DVBS last year and it was always so much fun with them, seeing them smile, hearing their words of encouragment, making them laff. It’s still okeys this year, but i always admired their tag-team play :). kuya rodel, thank you for every word you have given me, from your blunt criticisms to your words of advice to your random teasings. you never miss an opportunity to pray for me at the most needed times. i remember when you had prayed for me & we both ended up crying. that will remain in my stories of you. ate grace. one song that always comes to mind when i think of you, “when praise demands a sacrifice”…you have been such an example for me in this. I’ve seen you go through so much with the music ministry and you have such great silent strength. you have always believed in me ate grace…even when i was younger and wasn’t that good in conducting or playing…thank you for the encouragement, for your smiles, your hugs, and your belief. i love you guys.
I see a lot of things these days. I hear various ideas and I think sometimes I, in paranoia, poison what can be conceived as innocent, as threats to my comfort. In conflict, I confuse pride with sensitivity, and humility with indifference. I just confuse myself and God’s investment in me. Then I stumbled on this while looking at an old picture of my praise team from college, which was inserted in my Bible as a sentimental bookmark: “Was it for nothing that I kept my heart pure and kept myself from doing wrong? All i get is trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain. Then I realized how bitter I had become, how pained i had been by all I had seen. I was so foolish and ignorant- I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. you will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have i in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit my grow weak, but God remains the strenth of my […]
I work with old people. Today i walked into her door w/ a huge smile & questioned, ” how are you?” she looked @ me & began to cry as she said, “I hate this darned thing.” She was referring to her bag attached to her side, where the waste products go after it has been digested. i intrinsically hesitated yet touched her shoulder to sympathize w/ her without showing a hint of pity. She composed herself, & we talked the normal first day conversation of acquaintance. Then as the hours progressed, & as i had finished her requests, we sat opposite of one another. I let her talk because i realized after i leave, only the walls will hear her sighing, her mind- her thoughts, & her pillow- her tears. She talked mainly of names…so many names- her sisters, her brother, her children, her late husband, her cancer, her grandchildren. She went through names that she never forgot, but who seemed 2 have forgotten her. She quietly complained, while i inferred her suppressed bitter disappointment. We ate lunch & i announced my need 2 leave. She subtly mentioned her hopes 2 see me again, & one thing that she […]
these days aren’t the greatest of days and i haven’t been allowing God’s grace to teach me by going to my friends- the friends that have taught me what friendship really was, what humility was purposed for, and what giving sacrificed. i have great friends in SJ and they always work by my side, but i’ve missed my friends that i’ve made in North Jersey. Just when i thot life was complete with a second family- my SJ church, He graciously blessed me with friends just as close to me…friends who i can rely on and some who i can show my weaknesses to, who i can cry to. i received a funny yet endearing letter from one of my dearest porch buddy by day, mananangal by night. the infamous- PAUL TENORIO. Hahaha…here’s a bit of what he wrote…for the FIC’ers reading this, i hope you too can see that at least there’s still people who remember how it use to be… i’m sure Paul won’t mind i share this with everyone :). if so paul, bite me (but only after 12am! hahahhah) —————————————– well yeah i’m replying to that thank you card that you sent pungus…grabe!! didn’t have to […]
i was reading that this afternoon my lil’ sister’s xanga page and i admire her truthfulness and admit to my incurable comment about her cockiness. i think sometimes that i used to think the way she did when i was her age…maybe even more depressed than she is. My self-image was flaccid and even though tried to portray an impermeable skin, inside i was always analyzing myself- why i am the way i am, why i do the things i do, and why i think the way i think. the truth about a living creation is that he/she is created specifically unique and one must accept who one is once one know who he/she is, but the beauty of living creation is the ability to change. Self-perception is a progression, and shouldn’t be confined or solidified. What i don’t like about certain people is that they stick too much on what depresses them, rather than change towards happiness. People complain about other people’s tendency to draw away from them, but don’t try to better their social attitude. I understand when people are depressed about themselves, and believe me, WE ALL GO THROUGH A PERIOD WHEN WE DON’T BELIEVE IN OURSELVES, […]