
Grief
It’s been twelve days since my dad’s sudden death and I’m still wrestling with feelings of guilt due to the lack of time that I’ve spent with him. I didn’t know that he had cancer. I didn’t know how much pain he had and was just keeping in. I didn’t know that he was going to die five days after I last talked to him. I didn’t realize that all his responses in that last conversation in the form of groans and moans we’re the last that the would hear from him. I try so much to remember the times that I’ve spent with him but my brain is just not cooperating. I feel that I don’t deserve to remember him. Grief for me has been a conduit of guilt. No matter what I do to help my mom and my siblings, my guilt just won’t let up. I should have visited them before the pandemic. If I did, then maybe I would have noticed something, anything that I could bring to their attention so I would be ready to accept his passing. I am not okay. I might look okay on the outside because I can quickly suppress my […]