I have this persistent fear that comes every now and then. It starts from the very pit of my core every time anxiety over something I’m scared of going through enters my brain. The rest of my body follows the path that eventually leads in palpitations and imaginary scenarios of the worst things that can happen. Then my faith surges and tries to wield off my head, to get my body to calm down. For the most part, the best it can do is calm the surface, but I know the fears are all still there, as real as the present. This has been my new norm last year, and I keep reminding myself that this life isn’t mine, and this life is temporary. I can only live for today and give abounding thanks for what I have been blessed with. Grace- that ever so fine strings that holds me up. As I get older, the more I fear. Like tonight, sometimes I can’t even say what I fear although I can readily make up a list as I go. I just don’t want to give them a name to write out. It will pass. It will pass. And after […]
I’ve been sick in bed for 3 days now. Elle finally couldn’t take my absence, so she came in the room crying for me to get better so she can finally hug me. She said she almost started crying in school just remembering me sick at home. After a small reassuring talk, she left the room. An hour later, she came back into the room and asked if she can pray for me, and so she did. Warms my heart. What I love most about having girls is their extremely open loving nature and easy feeling to communicate verbally. My girls always ask me for quality time, when they want me to hug them on my bed, just talking. They will ask me questions and it becomes a time when they can feel safe opening up something that’s in their minds, and I can verbalize how much they are loved. Elle is our most emotionally needy- she lives by hugs, so when I was sick and wasn’t able to hug me, she had such a hard time. My love.
Last night, we helped Emma record her honors choir regional audition. She is cut from my cloth, but woven intricately is something all different from me completely- her drive to put herself out there, her talents and abilities. She’s also been practicing daily for her audition with Violin Regionals. Even in elementary school, she auditioned for talent shows, singing competitions, violin parts; some she made and some from which she was rejected. But her resolve to do what is in her DNA still composes her resolutions, sometimes to my hesitance. I just don’t want her heart broken. But what is a broken heart? Throughout time, personal experience included, a broken heart was a key to something greater. Our hearts are not made to be kept perfectly whole. How else can things seep through and truly get to our core? These days, I admit, I pray more than I have prayed. By no merit of my own or discipline of my will, my prayer life has come what is a daily need. As a mother, I am finally at a mindset that I my control over things is so miniscule. So I turn to the giver of life. I turn to […]
Words can’t describe how grateful our hearts are for all the things that transpired this year. The road wasn’t void of obstacles, but pillars of support + deep etchings of promises held our family together. My prayer for our family this new year is a new perspective to love each other through Seeking God together through His Word, to live simpler in our wants, and to give more generously as His hands + feet. I want our children to grow through service and realize they will be key bearers one day as leaders. Seems like a gargantuan task, but I guess, it will just take the small choices of every day. Happy New Year, Family + friends!