“STILL”

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Lately, our hearts are being tested. Perze and myself. I don’t know if it’s psychosomatic, but I haven’t been feeling all too comfortable. I break out into hives at the oddest times. I find myself praying more over requests than thanksgiving. I worry.

But tonight, Elle asked me for a bedtime story. Without thinking, the first story that came out of my head was the story of Jesus on the boat with His disciples. In the storm. About perspective. About trust. About Jesus in control. 

There was one reality and two perspectives. The reality was the storm. One perspective was the collective fear from the disciples because of their shortsightedness. The other was the perspective Jesus held- when He knew 1) how the disciples felt 2) who was in control 3) and how it was going to end.  He asked them, “why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

You know Jesus was talking to me. 

You know it. I know it. He knows it. I’m still there, since I was 9. “STILL”. 

<still>NO FAITH</still>

The disciples followed Him- physically, spoke with Him, ate with Him, listened and worked with Him, saw Him perform miracles and change lives. That’s me. Since I was 9- saw Him perform miracles and change lives. And still. Why am I so afraid? Why do I still have no faith? How do I train my heart to be still and trust that whatever happens, His grace is sufficient for me?

I have no answer for tonight’s post. I have faith that God is good. I cannot say I can always control my heart, but I will try to walk by faith. I cannot promise that I won’t disturb Jesus in His cabin when the storm overtakes the boat, but I will trust He will make things good.

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