I don’t know why I don’t want to write about it.
I feel like everything’s ok, but a couple of months ago, it was all I could think about. It was what was determining my present, and causing me to look at bleaker tomorrows.
Looking back, I remember my heart racing, spending long moments looking at my children, even looking at them play at a distance with their dad, wondering if it would be ok for them to be just that, without me. I was still in the waiting game, so my thoughts and prayers came with me battling my faith in Christ. And He won, always. You have to be ok with that. Because He had fashioned the world to its meticulous degrees.
I remember one car drive to one of my appointments, this song came on and I just remember feeling the weight of it pulling me with it. The lyrics and how it was sung conveyed a desperation for what only Jesus could fill. Even in your deepest fear.
The chorus goes like this:
I need You
I can’t get enough of you
I come alive when I’m in your presence, oh God of my salvation
(Run To You by Kari Jobe)
So today was a guitar day, and this was the song that kept forming new callouses on my fingers. This is the song in my heart for many months now. And this is the testimony of another song I sing of His faithfulness.
I am not good with keeping His love to myself. My feet run quickly to Him these days as I get older, with so many changes and obstacles.