taking back my wishes
Sometimes I remind myself that soon, she’ll be one, then one and a half, then two, and then I can finally get real sleep- the kind of sleep that offers me to dream and have 2am conversations with Perze again. Then I realize by that time, I won’t have a baby to hold anymore, that baby that pants to get near to me, that baby that crawls with all her strength and coordination just to be in my arms, smiling, excited with an innocent glow and glee that melts my heart. Then I get sad and look at her and take my wishes back. I’m ok without sleep. Because I can sleep for eternity but I’ll never have her baby smell with each day that passes. So I look at her with each time I have with her when she’s not crying or cranky, and I play with her, make her smile, talk with her, and hug her. Sometimes, she pulls away because I’m overcompensating with what I won’t have in the future- a baby. She doesn’t realize how much I’ll miss her- the baby years of her- and I know I’ll cherish the next phases of her life, but […]