Dear Insecurities,

Author: 4 Comments Share:

When I was younger, I always had this huge longing in my heart that I couldn’t explain, and I would ask other people if they felt the same way.

"I want to stand out and I’m meant for a great purpose."

I started realizing it was for the Kingdom.  Then I remember always asking God,

"why do I have such a huge passion and desire to do great things but I’m never good enough?  Why do you place such a desire in me when I don’t have the ability?"

I always considered myself the ‘default’, the ‘second string’, the almost good enough.

I’ve realized now that I am glad God called me at such a young age, because all my experiences really brought me to where I am…and aside from the technical training, He worked on my heart issues, my pride, my humility, my compassion, and knowledge that it’s all through Him that I can accomplish great things.  I just needed to be patient to be molded and taught.  And I know I’m still far from what God has in store.  And I know I’m still on training grounds.

I’m not as whiny as my pre-teenage years, so naively zealous.  I know I still need teaching.  I know I still don’t know everything.  And when I know I still have a lot of work on myself and my skills, I don’t ask God anymore why the proportion is askew.  Instead, I just say yes Lord, to even the small tasks.  Because wax-on wax-off, those are the moments when I learn.

The next year already has things planned for me; something that may not seem like a big deal to others but it’s a platform that I hope I can accomplish well.  It’s really an opportunity for me to test my wings and will.  Initially, given the suggestion, I was overwhelmed and shrank to the task like my old self looking at big shoes.  And sometimes my insecurities still get my best of my emotions, but like the call to master the praise and worship slideshows, you just stand to the call…without looking at comments, distractions, past hurts. 

When a calling comes up and you’re up to bat, you can’t let your surrounding conditions take you out of the plate, like the fans or the hecklers, the players on field and intimidation.  With the game still on, you just focus on hitting that ball.

Previous Article

14 weeks update

Next Article

"I want to have a baby."