How do you manage grief?

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12-02-08_1550

It was so ironic when I got the news of my Lola’s death. I was standing in front of the congregation playing for Praise and Worship. Kuya Cliff was segueing from the first to the 2nd song when I felt my phone vibrate. The first was a text message from my sister Milfe, a second later was a phone call from my sister Zen. When I saw my sister’s number I knew then and there that my Lola was gone.Ironically, the song that we started singing was "O Praise Him" by the David Crowder Band.

After praise and worship I went down to the kids room to tell Marchesa what happened. She kind off already knew because when I didn’t pick up my phone my sister started calling hers. I refrained from calling back because I knew what was going to happen, they are going to tell me the same thing I already knew. So I waited to call until we got home in Plainsboro, where I can get my privacy.

We were still in South Jersey  when I started writing the first blog about my Lola. The point where I envisioned of her being with my Lolo after 10 years of being apart from each other just brought me to tears. I can’t even imagine being away from Marchesa and Emma for a day. Then the Ng’s called. Totally ruined that moment. Thanks for the call by the way. 🙂

We went home, I tried calling my dad, because if there’s anyone that’s really going to be sad it’s going to be him, he was the one that lost his mom. I never got hold of him. I called my sister, Milfe, after that and found out that my dad was already where Lola was.

Around 1 in the morning I decided to call my mom so I could talk to my dad, my dad wasn’t there because he was trying to arrange where the burial is going to be. I was telling my mom of how I got the news on my end, at that point they just finished embalming her body, my mom told me that they where wheeling her coffin in to where the viewing is going to be, that was it for me, I started crying my heart out. I just couldn’t control myself, I was in the living room then, I guess I was too loud because Marchesa woke up and thought I got stabbed or something. I guess my mom was shocked at the immediate change in mood, she asked me if Emma was crying, in between tears I had to tell her that no it was me. So she held the phone on the glass covering of my coffin and told my Lola that her eldest grand child is crying his heart out. After that I just went to sleep and didn’t really get any sleep.

I did talk to my dad the morning after and he told me how he got the news 2 hrs after my Lola died, he just started expressing his grief and it was not until 2 in the morning that he was able to compose himself and drove to where my lola was.

So, how do you manage grief? You can’t. You let it run its course, you cry, you reminisce and you move on.

She is now one of those who is referred to in Hebrews 12, as one of the great cloud of witnesses. I am very honored to have known her and have been a part of her family. I will make sure her legacy is not forgotten by telling my children and grandchildren of who she was.

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Bible Study of 2008Feb.10: James 4:1-10