i woke up earlier than perze and em today so i went online. i found this in my message box:
dearest mahal marchesa,
i couldn’t sleep. i just want to tell you how much i love you and appreciate the things you do for me and emma. especially for emma. i can see how much she really loves you mahal. you are such a great mom.
i tried sleeping 30 minutes ago after my looong battle with mr. poopy. but i couldn’t. i sat down and started praying for the two of you. i still couldn’t sleep after that so i went online and applied for a couple of jobs (one in princeton, the other in mt. laurel). i don’t know. i’m crazy i guess.
work has been crazier than usual but i thrive in crammed situations. i feel like i can shine when i’m under pressure. so many things that i want to do but i just cant seem to do it. sorry mahal for not being able to show you and experience with you what the outside world is like. i want to take you to paris and taste their fancy coffees in one of those fancy bistros. go to kyoto and taste old world sushi. go to london and help carry your bags while shopping at oilily.
so many things … yet from where we are right now all seems so far. we cant even go to camden and show emma the aquarium.
despite all those shortcomings you still love me. love me enough to tell me everyday. i can’t live without you mahal. please love me forever.
i sometimes wonder if i regret getting married early. the thought never entered my mind. i think i’m really blessed to have married young because i know in my old years, I’ll be clinging to days i have with the one i love on earth. every day i have of my life with perze is priceless to me. not my career, nor money, nor fame, nor accomplishments could compare to a day with the one you love.
if you know who you truly are meant for, don’t let the days pass by. make them yours. i’m not saying to be rash in your decisions, but if you know, without a doubt, that he/she is really God’s desire and design for you- with your head and heart, having thought your two worlds completely out, marry him/her. life is so fleeting and the days so quick.
perze, i could live my life without having to step on paris grounds, or tasting bitter coffee in england, witness the borealis or waters of the islands. what are they really? you know how i am, i don’t ask for those things or crave them with a passion. people have lived contented and passionate lives without having to experience those things. i wouldn’t mind joining their company. i love you. i just want to experience a full life with you. that’s always my prayer.