the rain was absolutely exciting to hear tonite patter on the window. emma looked out to see what was making all the noise. i told her it was jesus and he called it thunder. she fell asleep to it and the rain ceased when she finally calmed herself to her bed. we’re slowly introducing her to her own bed, which is adjacent to ours, for any need she may have requiring easy access to a warm mama or tatay.
the nights go by so quickly these days…i feel i’m always doing something, finishing something, thinking about something, planning something. i’ve taken on a couple projects to occupy my time. it feels odd that i should have emma playing alone, exhaustively stretching to get my attention, but i’m wondering if it’s beneficial for her to learn how to occupy herself at some times, as not to always be overly clingy, as she sometimes can be.
i’m so amazed by her, the individual, the wholeness and completeness of her, who she is. most people think babies are just babies, so innocent and naive…but when you have your own, you see things other people don’t see…who she is becoming. the plus and minuses of her nature, where her interests are budding, if she will be loving…how she is thinking…these are the things that are yours to have as a parent if you look closely.
sometimes i want to see the traces of how her face is changing, but i can’t. all i know is that she’s changing without knowing the lines and paths where she has changed. sometimes, as a mom, you just want to grid it and mathmatically capture the growth. then there are times when you don’t care about the math and just love to look at this person that’s never existed before.