my achilles heel

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none has ever tested my strength as this one.

i’ve always taken everything with strength despite all the things i had to endure in the past. i don’t consider myself to be very completely open to people. i have many friends and feel i have been blessed with great friends, and a family that really shows me they love me. i know my family is very tight knit, always coming home to get together with everyone, and spending weekends together when our friends are doing something else. but there’s still that part of me that i just can’t voice. the part that i feel people may not want to see, or may think is too corny, or maybe even hypocritical…

…and unexpectedly, without warning, without expectation, God sends me someone who just happens to talk to me, and i’m floored…someone who can really be a best friend…

…someone who can follow my philosophical ravings, my emotional vulnerabilities, my specifically appreciated “special” humor, and innumerable faults…

…people take it in such easy stride, expecting that out of billions and billions of people, that they’ll find that “person.” People feel as if it’s as easy as finding the next meal, but now that i think about it, how less can we think of a miracle?

and that’s what it is. i believe that finding that “person” is a miracle, no less. out of billions. as if two stars from the vast sky follow an uncertain route, and meet…

…where am i getting to? i love him.

…he’s a miracle. he’s my best friend. and right now, i can help but just be scared he’d leave. i know we go through so much in life to strengthen us. and one reason why i don’t get so scared in many things in my life is because i’ve maybe grown calloused to being fearful.

but this time, i find myself scared.

perze and i had a long prayer yesterday. as perze was praying, i knew what i wanted to pray for, i knew what i was going to say. i was going to say, “Lord, we know you love us. you know our desires. please allow perze to stay. please grant us what we want.”

as perze prayed, we both just started crying. we were so moved by God’s sovereignty, and couldn’t help but be so humbled with how big He is. instead, i prayed, “Lord, you are bigger than the mountains. You are more vast than the oceans. You are the author of creation, and the savior of our salvation. You conquered death, and rose for your glory. How much more for our small problem? Lord, you know our desires, but i ask that all will be for your glory. Give us vision much greater than what we can see, for our perspective is so short that we can’t even see to tomorrow. Give us strength, give us greater faith, and give us peace. Most of all, may we give you glory.”

only Jesus knows.

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