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i know this may sound corny, but it’s my journal! so hah!  so for those who don’t want to read bout my love life, leave quietly and no one will get hurt.

around this time, was when i started to really know perze.  i started liking him just last year around late august to september, altho we remained friends and i just wanted to pray for him until we were both really ready to talk about us.  i remember having such long prayer times doubting everything i felt and trying to force myself to believe that someone could really like me, or love me…and i was dead afraid of love itself.  before i had met perze, i was praying for a life of just me- for really wanting to remain single- unmarried- maybe adopt a girl…and devote myself to ministry.  the possibility of even finding love was so alien because i had felt that there was no one for me.  and that my nature was too incompatible and complicated for someone to understand.  During those times of prayer, i had really struggled to believe that someone could love me unconditionally, faults and everything.  I had truly felt so low, and i could just feel Satan attacking me, making me think that i was truly unworthy to be loved and accepted by someone who i really admired.  in the end, i believed i am a child of the King, with Him, i have everything.  altho what i perceived in me could be so poor, i was rich cuz i had my Lord.  

… so for months, i just wanted to keep our relationship as friendship, even dodged moments here and there that might lead to heavy heart matters conversations, cuz i really wanted the right time to be the right time…to be God’s time.  meanwhile, i prayed for the things that concerned him, such as his position, his job, his family, his need in finding a church, a ministry, his growth, and just praying that God would bless him, and also for our friendship- that it would really deepen and that i would care for him more as a friend.  i let him initiate all our meetings, phone calls, outings…cuz i didn’t want to manipulate my own wants into developing a friendship with him. i never had to try to impress him with my clothes or aggresively hang out with him, or heavily flirt with him, and put me in a situation where i’d get him to open up his heart and have heavy emotional conversations.  i just tried to be patient; plus it gave me ample time to pray for him- which ended up being the sweetest times in prayer for me.  so ya…it was about around this time when my heart grew for him. and i praise God because it still does.

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what i admired most from him was that he really treated me like a great friend.  we ended up just chilling together when he’d come over…mostly playing and singing with the guitar. or watching movies, sometimes we’d read scripture, he’d have dinner with my family, or chill with my friends.  he really saturated himself with my surroundings, which maybe the sweetest thing he’s done while we were friends.

the youth retreat last year, i was fortunate enough to room with the girls of SJBCI…all the younger girls +lhela .  and we stayed up playing “truth” questions.  the Q was “what was the sweetest thing that someone did for you?”  i told them that someone had taken me to a special place at a time when i had really needed it.  So, for the girls [esp. aia and joy], the special place was at Sandy Cove here are some pix.  click on link.

meanwhile, happy ninesixteen pepit.

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