i think i just miss RU. i miss the laughter.
i miss when everyone was together.
i miss praying with friends.
ugh. i miss my apartment. i miss not needing a car.
i miss late night serious talks with friends.
i miss reading at the cafes.
i know i really should be thankful for where God placed me right now. i am. really. i am. but you have those nostalgic moments, i guess. what am i really here for? to help the church with music? we have musicians who just need to step up. for the youth? i don’t make the plans.
keep driving and i keep thinking about something that’s just been really coming up in my thots- what i blogged this summer. “is God just as concerned for my happiness as He is for His glory?” i question myself and demand of myself a conclusive answer, for i’ve been given a good amount of time to experience an answer. empirically, it must be yes. i’ve been listening to one song over and over again and i have yet to believe it 100%. and i struggle to believe it…yes, i know it…i know it’s empirically true, but i need to applicably believe it. “You are good, and Your love endures forever.” His love i realize continues to encompass His glory, for what He does in our lives is for His glory, and i was just reminded recently of what John Piper said. “We are most satisfied when God is most glorified.” Therefore, the amount of glory given unto Him equates the amount of happiness in us. His glory IS our happiness. It’s when we disrupt our giving Him full glory when we also reduce our happiness. Furthermore, when we add manipulated self gratifying motives and disguise it in our offerings, we also hold back on our happiness and that’s why we complain in ministries, or service…like me. it’s so easy to falsify intent, and so hard to delve into the necessary places where you just really need to search and scorch the things that hinder our true worship, and just joyfully bring a sacrifice of praise.
***”Lord, help me to overcome my unbelief…” -somewhere in n.testament. Father, scream it at me. Teach me to concentrate on Your glory alone first Lord. “You will always have my heart.” “You are the only One.” everything Lord will crumble. everything and everyone is so uncertain. it all goes away. May your glory be my happiness.