maybe i should apologize for keeping that 30%…really, it saddens me. maybe my best explanation is my childhood.
i was such an introvert. my best friends were paper and pen…and God as co-author. i was very secretive. i was even always depressed. i thot no one would understand so i didn’t bother telling people how i felt cuz i didn’t know how i felt either. i just learned to be alone, to be quiet and observe my surroundings, to pray, to write.
believe me, even my freshman year in college, someone had to teach me how to open up. someone had to tell me that i needed to share what i was feeling, that people did care, to risk being vulnerable and stop being so strong.
urr…i never thot i would have to share this. i feel like such a drama queen. but paul, this is how i am. i guess i just don’t share everything cuz every time i tell someone something so vulnerable, i am scared that they won’t understand what i deem important. plus, i’m just used to listening. but i am trying harder these days to open up to people i’m learning to trust. you know, we even had a youth retreat this past august and teya taught about friendship. her question went along the lines of “what is something you can learn from Christ to make you a better friend?” i replied, “trust. i have a hard time trusting people.”