I’ve been reading “ruthless trust” by Brennan Manning because this lacks in me.
With coffee in hand to defeat fatigue, I was resolved to learn about the application of this so called trust in 181 pages. The text seems obscure, and at times I just want a copy of “ruthless trust, kindergarten version” so I don’t have to think too much, just gain the wisdom it’s offering, but this impatience has taught me the path to God isn’t easy. Darn.
The last thing I highlighted was this:
“Anyone that God uses significantly is always deeply wounded.”
When i was 13, in my innocence of God’s molding, I stumbled upon a devotion in my daily bread with the last statement having a lasting state in my mind. I have no recollection of what the devotion was about, but I remember the words bolded at the bottom.
“God never uses a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.”
This upset me so much because i wondered how a loving God would want to hurt his beloved- a beloved who would be an instrument to His glory. “Funny how there are some things that just stick out in your memory”, one of my patients repeats occasionally. Well, growing up, that statement has stayed so close to me and still stays in vivid replay in me. In the hardest times of my life, that has been a source of hope for me, somewhat a hopeful resignation that the sorrows collected will transform into joys given out.
You see, what we’ve been through teaches us to identify with the rest of the body who ails from similar wounds. We cannot teach the rest of the world about God’s peace when we have never been through the storm. We cannot promote forgiveness when we’ve never been utterly hurt from someone we love. We can never affirm God’s love when we ourselves have never been heartbroken. It is through our sorrows and arrows that romance us to God, not just the blessings and sunshine. Even through the loneliest times of our lives, God has prepared the glorious lesson waiting for our awareness. God teaches us to rejoice in our scars…let your scars be your medals…because it is evidence of your faith. They are minor sacrifices compared to the greater purpose for Christ.
So when things seem dim, when your heart beats in merely routine and not for the joy of living, take comfort that God is romancing you through it all. God expects the scars…when we reach the throne of heaven, God doesn’t expect you to hand Him a full untainted heart; He reserves His affections for the heart that has been torn, tried, and thirsty for rest.