twelvesixteen.net

IIIIIIIIIIII . IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Month: August 2002

Faithful

there`s a word to this summer. it`s faithful. why? hmmm…well, this has been one of the first summers w/ no classes so most of my time was devoted 2 work & ministry. wow, did God really take opportunity of this & break my summer down, not w/ activities, but w/ faith. He wanted 2 know “marchesa, how are you gonna learn to trust me this summer? i think you`re ready…so here it goes…hold fast my beloved…i`m taking you to a deeper understanding of me, i`m excited, so guard fast your heart & open your eyes & ears. Be aware of what i’m doing.” God really allowed me 2 see the isolation of my faith this summer thru all that He`s placed before me. I wish i could just list it all as evidence before my reader, but i won`t. (AA doesn`t give me such a priviledge, 2eprops for xanga). hahah…but God in all of His grace let me search 4 the secrets He`s lovingly set before me this summer, & the search wasn`t all pleasant nor easy…yet the harder i fought in determination 2 find Him, the sweeter the revelation. wow. God loves those who seek Him. the question is, […]

“Ruthless Trust”

I’ve been reading “ruthless trust” by Brennan Manning because this lacks in me. With coffee in hand to defeat fatigue, I was resolved to learn about the application of this so called trust in 181 pages. The text seems obscure, and at times I just want a copy of “ruthless trust, kindergarten version” so I don’t have to think too much, just gain the wisdom it’s offering, but this impatience has taught me the path to God isn’t easy. Darn. The last thing I highlighted was this: “Anyone that God uses significantly is always deeply wounded.” why? When i was 13, in my innocence of God’s molding, I stumbled upon a devotion in my daily bread with the last statement having a lasting state in my mind. I have no recollection of what the devotion was about, but I remember the words bolded at the bottom. “God never uses a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” This upset me so much because i wondered how a loving God would want to hurt his beloved- a beloved who would be an instrument to His glory. “Funny how there are some things that just stick out in your memory”, one […]

after birthday

today, i woke up and sat on my bed. the first thing i did was smile and pray for you. thank you for taking me out for my birthday…and for not taking me out on the actual day, but the day after it. dun ask me why this made a difference to me, but somehow, in words i don’t want to try to describe, it has. what i appreciated was when you tapped my head while i was curled near you…hiding from the unexpected thriller of “Signs”. what i admired was your calmness when i told you about how i felt that night about my disturbance with information you witheld from me. i wish there was a way i could capture your expression that nite in my LG cell phone. there are so many things i want to say to you, but i’m gonna have to wait until God allows me to open the floodgates. there are so many things i want to tell you and reveal about myself. i can only pray tho that you can accept me…never have i been scared for someone to know me, because i just don’t want to lose you. something i’ve never thot […]

Convo…

deleon82: me, jen, and mel went to dinner tonite deleon82: and we were talking about you Mryntte: what were you saying? deleon82: just how much we take you for granted deleon82: AWE! deleon82: marchesa!

Post-Birthday…um…Post

okeys, i think it’s safe to say that my birthday is over. i can write about this year’s celebration. not too much celebration. no cake. no presentation. no candles. no loud announcement. but God really blessed me yesterday cuz of all the greetings i’ve received. i realized that it wasn’t the number of people i’ve blessed, but the number of people who have blessed me…cuz those who i expected to call- when they didn’t call at the time i thot they would, it would prick me in slight disappointment…and it made me realize their importance in my life that i would be affected of their remembrance of me. i got an email tonite from annie and miss mae…and they replied to the whole group from an email i sent them a weeks and weeks ago…what they said was moving… _____________________________________________ AMEN SISTA! hehehhe….i agree with Merry_Mae! I do miss you all…reading Chesa’s email made me cry…..you know with that lump in your throat kinda thing…i know we’re all growing older but part of me still wishes those days can come back again…….perhaps it will someday…you know when we’re all in a nursing home together with our walkers and diapers…hahahhaha..as paul […]