I see a lot of things these days. I hear various ideas and I think sometimes I, in paranoia, poison what can
be conceived as innocent, as threats to my comfort. In conflict, I confuse pride with sensitivity, and humility with indifference. I just confuse myself and God’s investment in me.
Then I stumbled on this while looking at an old picture of my praise team from college, which was inserted in my Bible as a sentimental bookmark:
“Was it for nothing that I kept my heart pure
and kept myself from doing wrong?
All i get is trouble all day long;
every morning brings me pain.
Then I realized how bitter I had become,
how pained i had been by all I had seen.
I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you;
you are holding my right hand.
you will keep on guiding me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have i in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit my grow weak,
but God remains the strenth of my heart;
he is mine forever.”
Psalm 73:13-14, 21-26
Isn’t that beautiful? i was talking with a friend recently about the :: worth of perseverance :: in the areas of your life when things seem overshadowed by silent feedback. It’s as if God had put you on hold during a 911 call, and all you hear is the background music, wondering if He could tell by your voice that you really needed Him, when all you need to ask Him is “why.”
You begin to compare what you do with the offerings of other people, and weigh your soul on a scale. You battle with pride, and confuse your humility with haughtiness.
I admit I have my complaints with God, my days of having a Jonah complex, and even doubting His desire for my happiness as much as his desire for His glory. As much as I can claim my dependency on Him, I readily admit my frustrations in His seemingly pacified timely will, while I, in haste, demand answers. Like King David, “I was so foolish and ignorant”- “a senseless animal.” But here is where He gets me. Here is where I am brought back to humility, and remembrance of His love.
“Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand.“
I STILL belong to Him. It is that grace- right there. Grace saturates that verse. His grace which we can never lose, and grace we can never earn.
And here is where we Christian cynics are proved wrong- that God does love and care for us even at our most tried times. When you fail to believe His eye is on the sparrow, or when His prolonged silence is overburdening your faithless soul, remember this verse:
“You will keep on guiding me with your counsel,
Leading me to a glorious destiny.“
In the journey are unexpected circumstances, but our destination is already solidified!! While on our journey, God will KEEP guiding us. But imagine knowing our destiny is not like our journey. No- our destiny is “GLORIOUS”. So we may think many times, God is unfair, God is blessing the wicked, God doesn’t see our effort, and that God is not lovingly invested in our lives. But I will claim this, I’ll always try to remember this, and i can’t promise that my faith will always reach high, but i hope that i can always come back to this- that in the end, I’ll always surrender to that glorious destiny.