today in church, God showed me love. when it came to find prayer partners, ate grace softly suggested we be partners. As she prayed for me, she sounded so sincere…she prayed for direction for my life. After we prayed, i saw her wipe her tears. i was deeply moved that she could care that much for me.
after the message, pastor ding asked people to get up and go to someone who they felt needed to be prayed for. i closed my eyes and felt someone sit by me. i opened my eyes and kuya rodel was right there telling me that the Spirit impressed it to him to pray for me because i was struggling with something. As he prayed for me, tears came down and i opened my eyes because all he said were true. Sometimes Kuya Rodel can really hit the truth of where my arrows lie. As he continued to pray, he said this,”i don’t know what you’re going to do with this girl, but i know she is so special, and you’re going to do great things in her…Lord, fill her with love when we are absent.”
“Fill her with love when we are absent.” -he was asking God to replace them in my heart…for me to love someone new when they leave…for someone to love me when they leave…who will care for me and see me as they see me?
As kuya rodel kept praying, i heard him begin to cry and it touched my heart how much they love me. I understand my parents loving me, and my siblings…but people who i’ve only known for 5 years i can’t seem to understand how i can touch their lives. And for them to cry for me moved my heart. No one cries for me.
His prayer made me cry so much, that people just started staring, and in the end, the tears turned into soft suffocated whimpers. kuya rodel cried with me, held my hand, said “i love you” and went back to his seat.
In the lunch line, kuya rodel came up to me and told me that he knew what my problem was: that i was not satisfied. “A man who cannot find his role in God’s will is never satisfied.” He told me that i shouldn’t run from God…that i’m not happy where i am…and he was so right, it was scary…scary cuz he knew, and scary cuz i didn’t know what i had to do. Driving home, i was wondering that maybe my running away from God’s plan for me is making my plans fail…but what is God’s plan for me?
God’s taking them away from our church. again…A close friend comes back and a family leaves. God will keep trading players in my life…every loss still hurts profusely.