Before 316 After

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before 316 i confused beauty for Truth
there was a Longing that i consoled
through mediums of the senses
before 14-6
the sun was the only true light & life
until 146 pierced an elevated understanding
that the Son is the only True Light & Life
I was condemned in my innocence
and sentenced to my complexity
yet through adversity
the cross spared my codemnation
and granted an ambivalent complex simplicity
In my sight i received Sight
And a taste for a richer palate
Things of gold became insipid currency
worthless to buy essentials
of what Really means “to be”.
So at His feet
i placed broken treasures of complacency
comfort, and years of apathy.
And in my hands, He gave me nails
and a burden just enough to carry.
But my heart burned like a refiner`s fire
a rhythm matched w/a runner`s determination
And a joy that my cross cannot compare
to the triumph much too greater.
So each day is a progressive suicide
after a Birth that gave me Life.
So this unresolved conflict scorches me
onto a sunburned pavement.
I`ve become the world`s pariah
And everything God has created in me
is twisted to contradict my plight.
My desires turn to idols and ability to pride
Satan strategically places catalysts
temptations affecting my senses
creating chemical despondency
to my half desperate brain.
My catatonic cortex fails my feet & i stumble
like an artist who does not know how to d r e a m
Yes, at times focus seems too long a journey
And faith like a memory
And hope like an illusion of water in the desert.
But a journey is worth its destination
And a memory creates foundation
And even an illusion stirs a heart
to create an oasis for a dry barren soul.
For desire built the pyramids
and spewed forth the mightiest kingdoms
And yes desire can make a man surrender
on his knees for a drop of heaven`s favor.
So the weight shifts back to eternity
after humility whispers to the soul
and guilt administered resides as a shadow.
I return back to where glory manifested
and where my earthly glory felt my separation
Then i am reminded
like an architect who found his childhood clay
and a Savior who persevered to preserve the only way.
After 316, a world progressively crumbles
while a world gently builds around me
And slowly I`m clothed in glory
while the flesh painfully melts away.
in mostly every situation
capitualizing both worlds in observation.
And my heart feeds my ambition for eternity,
while being the object fed with the world`s conformist normalcy.
The poet cannot write two different poems
on the same page
and contradict like the sunlight can duplicate a moonlight`s shade.
And yet I, still the same as before 316
a sinner.
But He has made all the difference
when AFTER 316, i became
a sinner saved by grace
And now i am forever moved
by His unpredictable winds of change.

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