today. during youth, we continued on reading the book of samuel.  this is just as beneficial for me because the last time i read this book was years and years ago, and it’s true, with age, comes greater understanding.

today we discussed how the israelites complained to samuel about wanting an earthly king, comparable to the other kingdoms, without consideration on what type of king could rule over them.  they had abandoned their absolute worship to God, seeking idols and comparing themselves to other nations, without fear of their consequences.

for those who are familiar w/ old testament history, after their complaining and God’s warning, saul was appointed king, who eventually turned out to be a merciless ruler.

after we went over the lesson, we talked about seeking worldly substitutions for God in our lives, and how these sins catalyze the separation between us and God.  one of the youth asked if fear was necessary in our relationship w/ God.  this was actually a coincidental question for me because amongst the paucity of memories i have of my childhood, i remember one instance when i involved myself in a theological debate w/ a fellow 4th grader, whether or not it was correct to have fear in God.  i remember adamantly stating my case that we ought to fear God because in the Bible it says to "fear God and keep His commandments." 

as you get older, questions like that could only be answered correctly if you ask that 4th grader what his/her definition of "fear" is.  if it means to be frightened of God, i would say, although He has the power to give you freakishly three eyes or strike you dead on the spot, it’s not necessary to be afraid of him and tremble in fright as if his role is solely the judge and executioner.

let’s go to scripture:

Hebrews 12:28-29

1. Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:
2. For our God is a consuming fire. (KJV)

in many ways, we strictly define God (the way we define God’s love either love absolute, without judgment, or judgment absolute, without love).  this is the same about "fearing" God.  we forget that God is not solely the judge and executioner, but the pardoner and advocate.  His grace is not without judgment and vice versa.  We cannot say that fear is solely just an acknowledgement or solely trepidation.  But there is a "holy fear," the position in which we must have the humility to feel anxiety over God’s judgment on our sins and the reverence to surrender to Him. 

a very insightful young girl of 13 years was brought to the question "is it bad not to fear God," to which she answered, "if you don’t fear God, you won’t really know him."

it seems like a real stretch to see the relation, but there it is! in a simple thought, ok…but yes!

when i had given my answer to the youth earlier in the lesson before we asked this young girl the question, i gave them the perspective that the biggest fear we should really try to understand when we continue in sin, is not necessarily the third eye, getting pregnant, contracting an STD, or boils, but it is the separation we make between ourselves and God.  Like Adam and Eve, besides the obvious consequences of toiling the earth and experiencing painful childbirth, the saddest and most tragic consequence was the separation between God and man.  that is still resonant today with our relationship w/ God.  we have to continue to realize that the pain and emptiness of our constant separation from God is the worst consequence because we are not complete.  we were made to worship our God, and when we are not in that tantamount position, there is a gut wrenching feeling of emptiness.  and when we separate ourselves from God’s company, we cannot know God- "we won’t really know Him," and that folks is the real greatest tragedy! 

stated the book of proverbs,

10 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,
       and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

even within Christians, the sins we continue to hold on to causes a rift in our relationship w/ God.  sometimes you hear people, or hear yourself saying, "i feel very dry in my spiritual life,"  or "i feel so far away from God."  these are gauge sentences that should lead us to examine our worship and our idols, our sins.  but the greatest assurance as Christians is that God is always a God of grace.  whatever season we choose to be absent in our worship, we can always surrender to God’s will and and be accepted in love.

so to conclude, as separation is the worst consequence, being united w/ God and knowing Him is the best position.  knowing God brings the greatest contentment.

we ended the youth lesson w/ some testimonies and unexpectedly, one of our youth men shared something very personal which brought everyone to a level of empathy.  it made me very blessed to know that he had a very personal lesson w/ surrendering to God, when initially, he didn’t know how he could let God handle something so distressful.  but out of the experience, he can now really testify how better it is to surrender everything to Him. it made me really happy to know that he’ll always know this about God from that experience…how it made him closer to God.

i was really blessed today w/ the youth group and the lesson.

fear God.

Mightier Than Me | m.f.a

i worship you my lord
with all that i am
with all the things that i can do
and all the things i can’t

i worship you my King
with all and everything
with the words i only know
how to offer you

i’m not the smartest man
i fall from where i stand
i fail with who I am
but with that i know

you’re mightier than me
you drown pain like a hungry sea
your love reaches farther still
until the strongest of will breaks down
you change hearts everyday
and your grace never changes
it stays the same and rearranges
someone, someone like me.

[pardon the recording. it's a song in progress]

—–
many times we tell others we’re praying for them to fix themselves, as if we’re doing them the favor and being the holy party, and we shift the blame without looking first that we may be wrong.  many times, we have to be honest with ourselves for change. i sometimes think that’s the hardest step- being honest w/ ourselves that we are wrong.

when we start thinking that satan doesn’t have any temptation over us and instead thinks it upon other people, there’s already looming danger with the thought of impermeability.  with every opportunity, we cannot be bloated with our will. 

we can’t make people surrender to God, but we are responsible for our own.

"1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?   2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

This is one of my favorite passages that speaks of such personal promises.  A lot of this passage deals with our pride. There are quarrels because we want things that please us. We even use our prayers to benefit ourselves. Our wants causes us to keep this friendship w/ the world instead of humbling our lives to God- sometimes meaning sacrificing our such worldly wants. This passage challenges us to to focus more on our relationship w/ God, not the world- to draw near to God and submit our lives to Him.

What does this mean- submit? When we call God our Lord, many often times, it becomes a simple statement proclaiming grandeur ideas like God is King over everything, but we forget many times that our lives are included. And with our lives also comes our submission to our King. It’s not so much losing our free will- no. But it does mean to trust in God and His allowing Him to work on our lives- to trust His choices and willingly give Him power to lead us in lives best lived- and this life best lived is truly a life that draws near to Him.

With trust, comes doubt, and sometimes we live and make decisions without the seriousness of consequences. We become prideful in our own decisions instead of humbling ourselves. But when we lesson our pride and become humble, God promises that He will lift us up.

What does that mean, "he will lift us up?" What does that feel like? Wouldn’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you want to experience such a relationship with your God- the God that promises He will draw near each time we draw near to Him??? Imagine it. Just imagine what that would be like to talk to God and experience that relationship w/ this God who created all good things??? That is the thing to desire…the world seems incomparably dross and dull compared to the glory of God.

So desire Him, not the things of this world. He promises only the best.

today. out of the blue, emma started singing "More" by Matthew West.

perze first taught it to her, and ever since, it’s number 1 on emma’s top bedtime hits.  but today, i heard her sing it:

"i love you more than the sun, and the stars, that i taught how to shine, you are mine, and you shine for me too. I love you, yesterday, and today, and tomorrow we’ll say it again, and again, I love you more."

when emma was really sick, this song was playing in the background and although I knew it was God’s song to us, I couldn’t help but apply it to my daughter.  And the immense love i felt for her made me realize how much God loves us and cherishes us…how concerned he is of us- esp. when we are not all together, when we are falling apart- how he sings with such passion- "…and i love you more that you can imagine, more than you can fathom. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THE SUN AND YOU SHINE FOR ME."

and it really reminds me in such a tangible way with my daughter, that just as I love her, not because of what she does, but because of who she is- because she is mine, God loves us the same way- not of our merit, but because of who we are.  we shine not because of what we do, but because of who we are in him- because we are His…

After having driven my husband to the station today, I noticed the ducks congregating at a lake, as most winter ducks often do, probably sharing Christmas lists and unnecessary gossip about hats and things. Every season has its unique beauty to it, and winter has its simplicity of black and white, as opposed to the other seasons which are typically known for their multifarious colors, both subtle and vibrant. But winter, just seems so cold, peaceful, and quiet.

It reminds me of the movie I recently watched, “the Nativity Story.”

I really recommend this movie. Having seen a lot of stories surrounding Jesus’ birth, this one dealt solely on Matt.1-2 and Luke 1-2, with a quietness and simplicity to it. The movie also gave a new perspective of the expectation and faith that befell Mary and Joseph, and how Jesus’ birth, how seemingly quiet and humble, was the greatest promise for all mankind, mathematically written through prophecy, all events culminated by God’s providence.

And God sent witnesses from afar and witnesses from the nearby fields.
And God sent wise men and unscholared shepherds.
And historical kings knew of the prophecy, sent historical creeds and laws to seek after the messiah.
And God sent men of faith and men of reason.
And Herod, a powerful merciless king, was thwarted by expecting the messiah to be a strong obvious leader instead of a helpless baby. And despite his resources, power, influence, and army, a humble couple and a baby, with meager transportation, escaped him.

Christmas continues to do that…bring those who are far from him, to him, and those who are close, closer. Christmas is for the young and old, for the wise scholars who reasons and for the ones who see with faith. It’s really a celebration for everyone, for the awed child to the cynic. Even now, God still calls us ALL to him.

“I have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared for all people.
He is a light to reveal God to the nations,
and he is the glory of your people Israel!” (Luke 2:30-32)

ps. go see The Nativity Story…

(written 122104) 

i’m teaching sunday school for the young believers again because perze was transferred to the all time dreaded toddlers class who, although are adorabe in their own unique way, are very animated/misbehaved…but the Word Ministry felt it would be a great experience for him.

the lesson was a blessing to me.  i liked how the book integrated well known basic educational tools such as Maslow’s hierarchy of needs into its lesson on temptation.

the levels follow:
1. physiological needs- clothes, shelter, food
2. safety and security
3. love and need
4. self-esteem
5. self-actualization

these are the basic human needs to which none are exempt in having.  but these are also the tools that Satan uses in order to tempt us, because we are manipulated and lured by its promises in exchange for forfeiting our trust in God.

our basic example and proof, yet hope, is in Jesus, who was tempted by Satan in these levels because He was made flesh.  Satan asked him to turn the stone into bread, tempting his primary need for food since He was hungry, having been fasting for 40 days/40 nights.  jesus then was tempted at a high place, was shown all the kingdoms in the world, which he could own if He only worshipped Satan.  Yet again, targeting Jesus’ self-actualization and need for love, Satan was rejected.  He then tempted his security, safety and self esteem by challenging Him to throw Himself off the temple so that he can fully see if the angels will guard Him.  Again, no bite.

If Jesus himself was tempted through all these levels, we too can be guaranteed situations that will test our faith.  But the hope is in Jesus, that we too can overcome temptation.  “It is better to trust God than to test God.”  why?  because in the end, there is a promise, a promise that says we will be blessed if we trust in God and not succumb to Satan’s seduction and manipulation of our needs.

this leads me to a story that perze told me just a few days ago, about his friend who he met in japan during his college internship.  His friend Daniel didn’t have a lot of money and therefore would buy dollar noodles every day, and sometimes would walk 2hrs one way to get home or to school because he couldn’t afford train fare.  He couldn’t ask for money from home because he didn’t want to burden his family in the Philippines. he was also studying as an artist, who needed a specific expensive tool for carving.  All the other students had their own tool and Daniel was left having to constantly borrow from his friends.  But later on, there came a time when it was imperative for him to have his own, but added to all his other needs, he couldn’t afford them.  

After some time of having to sacrifice and suffer, his needs were tested.  Perze remembered him praying to God saying, “Lord, i know you love me.  But if my parents, who love me so much, knew about how i was living, they would hurt to see me go through these things and would try to give all they could so i wouldn’t have to suffer.  Yet, You, who I know loves me so much more than my parents, how can you see me like this?”

feeling discouraged yet not all together hopeless in his faith, he went to church a few days later.  an elder came up to him and said, “brother Daniel, i feel like i want to bless you today,” and handed him $300, without hearing any previous complaints from Daniel about his hardships.  after that day, Daniel was so humbled, knowing that the money came from God’s hands, His mercy, His love.

m y   a p p l i c a t i o n :
yesterday, i really took this lesson to heart, for my life.  last night, also being our 6 month wedding anniversary, perze and i pondered on our devotion and were really humbled by God’s hands.  i thought about Daniel’s miracle and wondered if God was the same in my life, and He really is…the sunday perze and i got married, we sang “household of faith.”  as i was singing the song then, i knew that we’d not only be a family of faith- believing in God or being Christians, but a family that lived faith. 

sometimes we see faith as something that just deals with our comprehension, our mind, our thinking…but our faith is also our decisions, our behavior, our actions.  faith is not just a conceptualization, wrinkle, or a theory.  it is basis for living.

so we may be tempted with our needs, sometimes we don’t know why God withholds certain things.  sometimes, we are at a point of 40 days and 40 nights, or we just want to be assured that angels will catch us when we fall, or we want so much from this world, but it is better to trust God than to test God.  We should be assured that God loves us best, and He will not forsake us.  He knows our personal and specific needs and will not leave us… 

yesterday, for the very first time, i was able to meet my absolute favorite writer.

perze and i have really followed the publications of most of his books, to his recorded speaking engagements, and his organization which provides so many resources. and for personal reasons, his lectures have been, so many times, the shared interest between us, esp. during our dating period and the long car rides when we were engaged and newly married.

last night, without going into too much detail of my first in person experience, perze, genny, lei, and i were able to be richly blessed w/ hearing one of the most prominent apologists of our time. only a small handful of people i know know him, although i’ve mentioned him countless times to friends, and esp. on my xanga when i make responsive blogs to his articles.

this morning i couldn’t go back to sleep, so i decided to pick up his latest book. I couldn’t really get past the dedications page. honest.

“To Sarah, Naomi, and Nathan, our beloved children.
Three beautiful tapestries woven by God. Finish well, sweethearts.”

metaphorically, he calls them unfinished tapestries, lives with past and unfolding events that progressively unravel the beauty of God’s handiwork. it reminds me, and something i want to share to still young people, that you are an unifinished tapestry, still being woven by everyday events, big or mundane circumstances which will one day truly reflect your life. one day you will present yourself to God, with your designs and intricately unique thread paths. Although God is the weaver, who places these events in our lives to shape and make us, ravi also tells his children to “finish well.”

this suggests that there isn’t just the passive role to be woven, but the active roll of choosing. we make decisions with the things God gives in our lives, and we choose either to follow our will or his. we are reminded that we are involved with the making of our tapestries. with the beauty and precision that God weaves our lives, we are still reminded to finish well, and not just to merely “finish”.

this then suggests that need to define what “well” is, because most often times, this becomes very relative. it then opens the question of what the meaning of our lives are. what do we live for, that we would consider ‘well’? - getting a great job? living comfortably in our houses? finding a partner? in poorer countries, “well” can mean being able to feed your children and getting a great medical plan.

does ravi mean for his children to define their own “wellness”? i honestly don’t believe so. i believe to finish well, is to finish living the life that God ultimately actively weaves for us- and to live it according to his will…wellness is not a postmodern invention that hands us the deed to ourselves, but in fact allows us to hand the deed over to God.

i believe God has woven last night into my life for a specific reason…